January 3, 2004

 

Dear Friends and Family,

 

Well, it looks like the journey is at an end and Kade is going home…..his perfect, heavenly home.  Dr. Wall called Ty and I in today and told us that the lung problem is fungus.  It is the silent “ghost” killer.  Yesterday the x-rays started to cloud and were significantly worse today.  The drugs they had him on are the only ones available and they just weren’t enough to kill the fungus.

 

We have taken Kade off of everything except oxygen and morphine, fluids and fungal medicine….just to keep the fungus at bay.  The hardest thing was to tell Kade that he wasn’t going to get better.  He shed a few tears and then asked if we could go back to Round Rock.  That wasn’t an option as Dr. Wall felt that most likely Kade wouldn’t make it through the night.  Well, it is 3:15 am and he is still hanging on. 

 

January 4, 2004 ………It is 8:45 am …..I didn’t get to finish the e-mail…So anyway…..We are in a lovely room on the 3rd floor that is especially for families losing a loved one.  It is a big family room with a pull out couch and chair for beds.  Kade had about 20 of his friends come and spend the afternoon with him yesterday.  Then our long-time church family friends all came in and we had a huge sleepover here at the hospital.

 

Kade is pretty much out of it.  Breathing is very labored and he will give out soon.  Thanks to all of you for your prayers, love and concern.  I will write later when it is over.

 

God loves you and remember that He is good all the time….even when we don’t understand.  I love all of you.

 

1:00 pm -  Jesus came and picked Kade up to take him home.  We spent our time singing praises and hymns and praying for my little baby turned young man.  His breathing continued to become more and more laboured.  He just wouldn’t give up.  I told you that I had told God at Thanksgiving that  if I had to give him up I wanted to hand him over and ya’ll…..that’s what happened.  We kept telling Kade to just let go and fly.  Finally, with Keilah on one side and Ty on the other, I sat in front of Kade and took his hands.  I said, “God, please come and get him.  Just let us hand him to you.”  And Kade took his last breath.  He had the most beautiful look on his face.  He was beautiful……so peaceful.  And he had a smile on his face.

 

It was very difficult for me to let go.  This is the child I followed to kindergarten, home schooled him, then followed him back to private school.  He was in 8th grade before he went to school without his mom.  And then, I have spent the last 8 months with him continually.  I did not want to walk out of that room.  They told me to stay as long as I wanted.  I kissed my baby and smelled him and touched him over and over…….afraid I will forget his smell or look or touch.  Then Patsy, our precious nurse, asked me if I wanted to bathe him and get him ready.  And I did.  And then I was ready to leave my baby.

 

I am doing fine.  I am terribly sad but relieved that Kade is through suffering.  He is totally and completely healed.  God did not fail to heal Kade, His place of healing just wasn’t on this side of heaven.  I will miss that boy ever, ever so much.  He had a mission to accomplish and he did it and it was time to go home.  My mom, sister, daughter, and two very dear friends are packing my little apartment up as I type.  It is time for me to go home as well.

 

 Please pray for me as I begin this new journey of life.  It is going to be difficult to walk into my home empty armed but God’s grace is sufficient to carry me through.  He promises that.  I still trust Him totally and completely with my life. 

 

“For I know the plans that I have for you, plans not to harm you but to give you, Jaye, a future and a hope.”  I have more that I would like to say about that but it will have to wait.

 

You all are MUCH, MUCH loved.

 

Jaye